You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
