Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
