So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize