people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We don't watch enough power rangers
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
