I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
