I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
