Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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