Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
