I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize