There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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