I'm gonna have a badass scar
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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