apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
