well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
