So squirting runs in the family.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
