that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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