I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
