Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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