Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize