im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
