i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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