hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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