i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
