did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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