I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
