mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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