Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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