It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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