Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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