you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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