I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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