I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
