Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
