I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
