So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize