a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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