he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
