The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
