you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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