Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
