Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
