I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
