I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
