wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Bring me that man meat
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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