Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

I wanna be on tlc

(905): View more from Toronto

Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.

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(703): View more from Virginia

"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...

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(210): View more from Texas

Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.

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(208): View more from Idaho

You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.

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(360): View more from Washington

So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?

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(952): View more from Minnesota

We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.

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(925): View more from California

The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.

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