too bad you live with your parents still
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
