You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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