no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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