i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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