he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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