I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
