He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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