He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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