some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
