well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
