took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
