All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
