I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
