Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im holly from the hills drunk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
