she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
