Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
