so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize