Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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