Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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