just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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