Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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