My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
