He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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