How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
